the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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