problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
