Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
