My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize