i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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