The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
