he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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