I wannas sexs uuuuu
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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