sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
