it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
