I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
