you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
