you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
