i permit you to call me
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
