Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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