Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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