I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
