It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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