I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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