She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Can I color on your dick again?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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