Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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