Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I want her autograph on my taint
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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