it wasn't lemon gatorade
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
