The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
