Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
