Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
