Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I need help removing her.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
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