Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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