Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
