We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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