I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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