Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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