Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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