I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
