whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
