do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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