You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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