K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
