no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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