Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
