i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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