One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
