it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
