We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
