i think my tv is drunk
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
