The maid of honor just puked.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
