I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
