She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
