I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
