What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
