Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
In other news, I just burned my penis
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
