can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize