I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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