he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
