shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
