the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
