Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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