Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
