we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
