That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she peed on how many people?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
