That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
