Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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