I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
