her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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