It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
