Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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