I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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