So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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