the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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