So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
