They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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