ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
