just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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