Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
