I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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