Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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