I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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