the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
