One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize