Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
