please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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