Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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